Let me brief you guys.
So 2017, My admirers (toasters) were predominantly mechanics, vulcanizers, shoe makers and of course, professional keke drivers. I remember ranting about it in a facebook post. Like the reality was, no matter how chic I looked and dressed, the first ‘Baby how far‘ I’d get would most definitely be from a mechanic or a napep driver. Day to day, month to month I kept asking myself ‘what kind of life is this’? ‘Why am I not attracting uncle Range Rover and oga Benz’?
It was worse with the keke napep drivers. Those people loved me so much. Whenever i mistakingly shared the front seat with them, They would go on & on about how much they loved me. how if I married them, they would teach me how to ride keke, and how on our supposed wedding day, they would use their keke to convey me and my trains to church. One particular one who had flyover head even went as far as reciting poems from songs of Solomon to me. he had insisted on following me home so he’d collect bride’s list from my family.
While these kept occuring, I didn’t think there was a need to join mountain of fire ministry to reclaim my destiny from my village people. I had thought it a mere coincidence till one of them cornered me one faithful day to tell me he got a revelation that I was his future wife. It was then&there i took the matter to God in prayer.
So on crossover night, i hit God up like; ‘Oluwa change my story! You cannot tell me this is my destiny! Didn’t you say I should ask and il receive? Lord from day 1 i asked for Range Rover but i kept seeing keke. why? You said i will subdue the earth. How exactly do i subdue the earth inside a keke napep? Lord! bring Benz in 2018. Any daughter of amadiohia holding my Mr Benz …holy ghossstt firreee’!
Prayer seemed answered. Everything was going great until 2days back-Valentine’s day. I had dressed to go out, and got to the keke park to board. Because the back seat already accommodated 3 passengers, I had to share seat with the driver in front. Brethren! before I could say praise the lord, this man told me he was seeing his future kids in my eyes.
I was gon’ tightly fix on my earpiece to at least get some consolation from songs that would make me forget my reality, but that man kept talking and it’d be rude if I didn’t pretend to listen right?
As we plied, he introduced me to all the police men as his wife. He told the Agberos, I was his fiancee, and told his fellow keke drivers to check me out. The passengers at the back kept cheering and congratulating me. He told me he would dash me his keke. He said I had to start learning how to drive(keke). He told me he’d do anything for me and when he noticed my eyes were closing from his boring talks, he started singing a lullaby. I was gon’ get angry, but then I heard a voice say ‘Peace smile and blush. Today is your lucky day. you know you don’t have enough fare for this journey. play along. It’s gon’ be Free ride‘.
That was how i started blushing and laughing hysterically at his boring jokes. Thank goodness I didn’t fall off the keke courtesy of my uncultured laughter. Somehow, I was 100% certain he wouldn’t collect money from me. not after all that yellow light I gave. While he professed love to me, I was spiritually inside the restaurant to buy jollof rice with the 200naira fare he wouldn’t collect from me.
15mins later, we had gotten to the last b/stop. I came down, dusted my bum and dog walked. I was yet to cover a sensible distance when the keke man barked from behind ‘make una hold that girl.. That yellow girl wey wear sweater. Yes that yellow girl.. Hold am.. She never pay me my money’ All the passersby simultaneously chorused ‘Auntie yellow, go and pay the keke driver his money’.
I turned back to see the whole world staring at me. ‘The auntie that wants to abscond with a poor keke’s money’. I was baffled. What kinda man is he? Common 200naira? Could this really be love?
I walked back to him, and told him i forgot. He said he was only collecting money from me b/cos he was trying to save up to give us a brighter future . I scoffed. My subconscious already said ‘God punish you‘. I handed him 500naira note and he collected. After fervently searching his pocket, he told me he didn’t have change. I was waiting patiently to hear ‘oya take the money and go since there’s no change’, but to my greatest surprise, my supposed lover roamed round the market to look for that change. Y’all know the most preposterous thing ever? he came back, handed me my 300naira change and said; ‘so mummy, when next are we going to see’?
If there was anything I wished I had at that moment, it’d be an AK-47!
The rest of my day was spiced. I received a cake. It may not be a big deal, but for a cake addict like me, it meant a lot!
So people, that was how my 14th went! how did you spend your Valentine? Indoors/out?